Posts Tagged ‘love’

I came across this article today and wanted to write about it. Not because it makes a reference to Pride and Prejudice… okay, partially because it makes a reference to Pride and Prejudice… but because I completely agree with it.

I’ve always believed a person, lover or not, can become infinitely more attractive (or ugly) as you get to know his or her personality. Plenty of times I’ve met a guy who I initially found hot but whose appearance became increasingly less appealing as I got to know him. And then there were the men I wrote off at first because they weren’t “my type” only to wake up one day with the realization that I had a huge crush on them. Same goes for friends — or enemies — in my life.

“Perceptions of mate value change the more time that people spend together.”

So, so true. I’m a fan of “slow love,” or falling for the book and not its cover. Which is why I think it’s vitally important to keep an open mind when meeting someone new, especially if it’s through dating apps. Don’t be in such a rush to swipe left! Several people I’ve dated would have been left-swiped on Tinder at the time. Thankfully (I think), I met these people in-person, and I fell for them after getting to know them. But it makes me wonder how many people I may have eliminated in the past because they didn’t fit my definition of attractive when presented to me on my phone’s small screen. I’ve since come to my senses, and though I’m not actively swiping bitches right now, I’m mindful of this phenomenon and its implications.

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I’ve been sitting on this Truth for a while, waiting for some of the turmoil it triggered to settle. One person came to mind when I first read the statement, and I thought, “I wish I’d never met ______!” But that’s not true. There’s one thing I’ve recently realized about myself: I’m an extremely reactive person. Something someone says or does will trigger an emotional response, and instead of sitting with and processing my feelings, I react. Oftentimes it’s not warranted and not pretty, and I mostly get negative results. And then I find myself backpedaling and apologizing once I digest and realize I may have overreacted. Like Mark Manson says, don’t let your emotions define you. So, I am very glad I let this Truth process, because you’re going to get a very different response today than you would have gotten a couple of weeks ago.

Letting someone go and wishing you didn’t know someone are two very different things. Do I choose to address the first part of the statement or the second? Is there even an option here? The person in question I am slowly letting go, and I do think it’s necessary for me to be happy. It’s taken ample time, reflection, and consideration. It hasn’t been easy. Several of my friends and family can attest to this. In fact, they may tell you that there have been times they wanted to shake me. (And one person in particular may be upset that I’m even devoting most of a blog post to _______.)

Do I wish I didn’t know this person? Absolutely not. Knowing this person has taught me so much about myself and what I want (and need) from my relationships. My relationship with this person — on both a platonic and romantic level — was rewarding in so many ways. It has been an invaluable part of my personal and emotional growth. I went into it with eyes open, fully knowing I’d probably get my heart broken. And I did. But I needed it. And I’m grateful for it. It’s taken me close to a year of processing to be able to say that.

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