Archive for the ‘What is going on UP HERE?!’ Category

Oh dear, I’m a total slacker. Worst blogger ever. It’s a good thing I don’t get paid for this, because I would have been fired long ago, Donald Trump style. Yup, I said it. Daring greatly over here!

The reason I believe I’m still alive today? God’s will, of course. Shit, this isn’t Witty Wednesday, is it? Okay, for real…

The reason(s) I believe I’m still alive today (in no particular order):

  • Privilege
  • Family
  • Dumb luck
  • Good genes
  • Lifestyle

I’m sure there are other reasons, but I need to finish this piece of shit list of truths before the end of the year, as promised, or else I’ll feel like a failure. And maybe my goal for 2016 will be to get back to this blog’s roots before it devolves into complete and utter bullshit. But because I live in the Bay Area, I’m only going to say I’m *Interested* in reviving this blog, because committing to anything is for chumps.


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I was talking to a friend on the phone last night (I know! Talking on the phone! How novel!), and he reminded me that I’ve been a total slacker with this list. As I mentioned right off the bat, I had a feeling it would take a while to get through the list – and it has. In my defense, there have been several non-list-related posts scattered throughout. I’m confident I can finish before 2016. But please don’t hold me to it.

Who makes playlists for people these days? You may share a song with someone, but that’s not the same. The last playlist I made was for the 2014 Outside Lands group bike rides. It was for multiple people, and I chose the songs because they were the best of the best of the Outside Lands lineup. Otherwise, I’d go the route of mix CD or, better yet, mix tape. Making mix tapes was THE BEST! The ability to listen to the songs as you recorded them onto the cassette was integral. I perfected the art of fitting songs onto the tape with minor wasted space at the end. (Sometimes, instrumental interludes were the way to go.) And designing the sleeve? I may have put more effort into the cassette sleeves than the mix tapes themselves. People appreciate things that come in pretty packages. All this said, if I were to pretend I’m making someone a mix tape…

…there are so many factors to consider: Who is it for; What is my intent – is it to introduce them to new music or relay some sort of message/feeling? In the past (i.e., high school), I was often making tapes for my best friend Sheela or a boyfriend/crush. Tapes for Sheela were usually just groupings of songs we both liked. As in, “I’m making this for you so we can listen to it on our next road trip. Look how pretty the sleeve is!” A tape for a crush would be a mix of songs I wanted to introduce to him, combined with subtle — or not-so-subtle — messages of love. Or lust. Or something.

Sheela and I have lived in separate states for years now. Though we both love Depeche Mode and have a few other musical interests in common, our tastes have diverged a bit. So I’d like to make Sheela a mix tape to introduce her to some of my current favorite music, with the hope that she will enjoy these artists and maybe even come out to San Francisco to see one of them with me. Imagine the mix tape sleeve decorated with purple and silver swirly designs with some hearts thrown in, likely a Depeche Mode symbol or two, and the song list carefully written out. (I have to write it out carefully, because my handwriting has gotten so damn sloppy over the years.) The below is a 90-minute tape:

Side One

  1. Forget (Marina and the Diamonds)
  2. On the Sly (Metric)
  3. Cream on Chrome (Ratatat)
  4. Return to the Moon (EL VY)
  5. The Shade (Metric)
  6. A Million Years (Frida Sundemo)
  7. Lazuli (Beach House)
  8. Nothing is Something Worth Doing (Shpongle)
  9. Riptide (Vance Joy)
  10. Carrie (Shiny Toy Guns)
  11. I’m a Ruin (Marina and the Diamonds)

Side Two

  1. Levitation Nation (Shpongle)
  2. I Need My Girl (The National)
  3. On (Polaris at Noon)
  4. Speed the Collapse (Metric)
  5. Sloppy Seconds (Watsky)
  6. Primadonna BURNS Remix (Marina and the Diamonds)
  7. Warbrain (Alkaline Trio)
  8. Rome (Ratatat)
  9. Malmo (STRFKR)
  10. Froot (Marina and the Diamonds)
  11. Clone (Metric)

Man, it is hard to come up with a hypothetical mix tape when you don’t have access to a music library and can’t listen to the songs as you go! Sheela, I totally expect you to look up and listen to all of these songs! 😉

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As many of you know, I was once married. Though I often think about my ex and sometimes miss him (how can I not miss someone I was with for almost a third of my life?), I don’t regret ending that relationship. Over the past three years, I’ve slowly eliminated physical items that remind me of him and our history. A few things, like the scrapbook I made of our trip to Russia, I’ll never trash. Because although he was there, it was essentially a family vacation and an amazing adventure I don’t want to forget. But there are two items I’ve been holding onto, and I think it’s time to let them go: My wedding and engagement rings.

For some reason, I have conflicting emotions about this. I’m hesitant to part with them. It’s strange, because I never wear these rings. They’ve been sitting in a closet collecting dust since I broke off our relationship. And I have no desire to re-purpose them into something else. Honestly, diamonds aren’t my thing. They represent the 20-something-year-old girl who was obsessed with getting married because society told her that was the next logical step in her life. I’m no longer that girl. I’m happy where I am; self-reliant, independent, and absolutely not conforming to societal norms.

Still, why do I hesitate? Is it because once these are gone, there’s really nothing left besides my memories? Am I worried I’ll wake up one morning and regret the decision to take this jewelry out of hiding? Am I attaching some weird sentimental value to inanimate objects?

I could ponder this for another couple of years, but I won’t. To be frank, I could use some extra money now that I spent my savings on a condo and related renovations (another post for another time). So, today is the day I start to bid adieu to jewelry that once represented so many things but what I’m now hoping will represent me parting ways with my past and moving on with my future.


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I came across this article today and wanted to write about it. Not because it makes a reference to Pride and Prejudice… okay, partially because it makes a reference to Pride and Prejudice… but because I completely agree with it.

I’ve always believed a person, lover or not, can become infinitely more attractive (or ugly) as you get to know his or her personality. Plenty of times I’ve met a guy who I initially found hot but whose appearance became increasingly less appealing as I got to know him. And then there were the men I wrote off at first because they weren’t “my type” only to wake up one day with the realization that I had a huge crush on them. Same goes for friends — or enemies — in my life.

“Perceptions of mate value change the more time that people spend together.”

So, so true. I’m a fan of “slow love,” or falling for the book and not its cover. Which is why I think it’s vitally important to keep an open mind when meeting someone new, especially if it’s through dating apps. Don’t be in such a rush to swipe left! Several people I’ve dated would have been left-swiped on Tinder at the time. Thankfully (I think), I met these people in-person, and I fell for them after getting to know them. But it makes me wonder how many people I may have eliminated in the past because they didn’t fit my definition of attractive when presented to me on my phone’s small screen. I’ve since come to my senses, and though I’m not actively swiping bitches right now, I’m mindful of this phenomenon and its implications.

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I’m about to contradict myself with this post (see the prior truth), but since I’m feeling slightly fantastic today (in the fanciful sort of way), I’ll humor you with this truth.

What I’m about to say may seem familiar to some people, since I tend to talk about it a lot when the discussion turns to careers and happiness. Let me start off by saying I’m not unhappy with my job. I won’t call it a career, since it doesn’t feel like one to me. Unless you want to say I’m careering toward an uncertain future! Career. Is that word starting to sound nonsensical yet, or is it just me? Anyway, I’m satisfied. My job isn’t ridiculously challenging but is interesting enough, and it allows me to play on nights and weekends.

However, I often wonder what I’d be doing had I taken a break between high school and college to discover what’s really out there. You only learn so much during a sheltered middle and high school life surrounded by family and peers. And everyone from your parents to your guidance counselors attempt to push you toward majors and careers that they believe suit you. But how do you know what suits you when you’re 17 years old? I certainly didn’t. There are exceptions, no doubt, but I do not fall into that category.

There’s myriad ways to earn a living out there, many of which are things I never would have considered as a high school student. I also know people who skipped the whole college thing and are very happy and successful. So something I wish I’d done was take that time to travel, work, and figure out how I could fuse earning an income with doing something I truly enjoy. (But then I always wonder if I turned something I love into a means of income, would I lose my passion for it?)

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I spend a lot of time thinking about what my life would be like had I taken a different path. Turned right at the fork instead of left. (As my cyclists friends know, I don’t turn right.) Chosen up instead of down.

Life is an extremely complicated and thick Choose Your Own Adventure novel. And, unfortunately, we can’t skip to the end to see how it turns out and then flip back to the beginning to alter our decisions accordingly. As amazing as it might be to bend space and time like Hiro Nakamura, I’m not yet that evolved. Plus, Hiro almost totally fucked up history with his shenanigans. (As an aside, new season of Heroes coming this fall! Both excited for and scared about this. There is no substitute for Sylar, and I hope they don’t try and replicate the old series.)

Back to the point – when I imagine my life as a concrete thing, I see it as a deep and involved root system that extends far into the earth and for miles just beneath the surface. Each root is connected to a decision I’ve made, and each decision leads me closer to the trunk of the tree and its branches reaching toward the light of day. Or maybe the stars at night. Yeah, stars at night. That’s more my thing. The root system is intricate and beautiful and not something with which I want to tamper.

Though I may not be happy with things I’ve done in my life or proud of decisions I’ve made, I’m here now because of those actions and decisions. And yeah, life can be frustrating and stressful sometimes, but I feel pretty damn lucky and am pretty damn satisfied. So once again, I’m cheating on this list. Hey, it’s better than cheating on a person. And that’s one thing I can say I’ve never done in my life.

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Assuming the accident doesn’t involve my friend hitting or running over ME with his or her car, I would drop the argument and jump to my friend’s aid. Only a psychopath would do anything other than that, right? Or are there people out there who would let an argument prevent them from being there for a friend in need?

Here is yet another question that has me wondering what sort of person created this list. But maybe I’m missing some cosmic point. If you can come up with a good reason to NOT let the fight go (besides the above-stated situation), please educate me by commenting.

I feel like a slacker for writing such a short post, but the blame rests squarely with whomever came up with the 30 topics.

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